Ready to be triggered this holiday?
Top 3 Holistic ReDesign Tips To Move Through A Triggered State of Being
1. Be Aware of the Awareness and Flow With Duality
Metacognition is the awareness of your own thoughts and feelings. This is the first step in seeing a triggered state within yourself as well as when others around you are triggered. If you are a grown-up and you find yourself feeling bullied, forced or any of the following emotions…you are most definitely in a triggered state.
Miserable, humiliated, ashamed, guilt, blame, regret, tragedy, fear, anxiety, disappointment, addiction, cravings, desire, anger, hate, impatience, demanding, argumentative, prideful
All of these emotions on the FORCED side of this Power vs Force chart are appropriate to move through and learn and feel when we are children growing up in an environment where our thoughts and feelings aren’t always considered.
In a triggered state, you may feel like a child again, due to an unprocessed past experience in your neural network getting triggered by your senses: sight, smell, taste, touch, intuition or hearing sounds, tone, or the words themselves can bring about associations that carry negative feelings. Basically, your brain is holding all experiences in your limbic reactive brain on these neural networks and they carry either positive or negatively charged emotional associations.
These triggeres occur so that you can get a REDO. Now that you are aware of the thoughts and feelings that are repeating that you don’t like, ask yourself the following question:
How do I feel when I think the thought …”sometimes I feel _________ and sometimes I feel the opposite?”
Isn’t it the truth? Duality always exists. Thanks to us living in a Newtonian model of physics, we know that there is always an equal and opposite response to something that we may not conscious see, feel nor hear. But yet, science proves it is there.
Train your brain to flow with opposition.
Visualize the infinity symbol.
There are an infinite amount of possibilities for you to feel and think differently and this is where you take back your power in a triggered state of being.
No ONE FORCES you to stay stuck. You can EVOLVE. You can UPLEVEL.
Use the imagery of nesting dolls…notice where you are in a triggered state and then move through the next emotional level up towards an empowered feeling such as acceptance or willingness. Climb inside yourself. The goal is to KNOW that you are WHOLE. We are made in a HIGHER POWER’s image. You are built to feel everything. No need to exaggerate it. One nesting doll of that emotion is plenty. Let’s not collect 30 tiny shame dolls because you really only need one to stack inside of the WHOLE set.
2. Learn what your dominant triggered personality is and push yourself to become a blend of both, THINKER and FEELER, using head and heart equally in your relationships. We learned this program by our perceptions of who our secondary caretaker was in relationship with mom. How did Dad react when triggered with Mom?
THINKERS love to stay in the head and argue their point of view when triggered. Most consider them KNOW-IT-ALLS and walk on egg shells around this dominant triggered personality. Others are unable to speak their truth because THINKERS when triggered, can only see things from their point of view. THINKERS are so controlling, especially when their environment makes them feel out of control. It takes one person, that a THINKER will allow inside that HEART WALL, to create change. That special person typically will be treated unfairly and be bullied by this THINKERS rigid beliefs.
If you are in a relationship with a strong THINKER, then do your best to not take things personally when your words, tone of voice, ideas and feelings are not considered important or valid to a strong THINKER. You can stand in your KNOWING, that your Thoughts, Feelings and Personality are always valid and loved even if they do not know how to show it, YET.
You can learn to teach a THINK how to love you, but it takes you wearing the COURAGOUS outfit or imagining you to be the COURAGOUS nesting doll personality when navigating a triggered THINKER.
Use Non-violent Communication to illustrate to your THINKER partner, that you SEE them wanting to be right or wanting to control. Express how you feel with duality: Sometimes I feel grateful for you taking the lead and sometimes I feel like you aren’t considering my ideas. Then speak about what you think NEEDS to happen next. I need you to know that I love doing things together but WANT you to know that my intention is to ____________ and feel ____________.
The 4 steps of Non-Violent Communication are:
I see ________
I feel ________
I need ________
I want ________
And don’t forget to bring in the duality of your thoughts and feelings so that your partner doesn’t feel BULLIED by your thoughts and beliefs. Or manipulated by your fleeting feelings.
FEELERS often become overly complicated and emotional when triggered causing others around them to feel uncomfortable with them unable to reduce the drama or simplify the complexity of thoughts and feelings going on inside them. When triggered, it is typically in a group setting or family environment when others can clearly see that the behavior of the FEELER is exaggerated in comparison to the others at the table or others in the group. Now, FEELERS can get triggered in one-on-one conversations, of course, and this will cause the other non-triggered person to feel emotionally manipulated.
Do your best to remember that it is unconscious and that your FEELER partner is simply triggered and can’t see themselves out of the emotions. They will need your help in understanding the benefit of purging what they are feeling and the greater truth of them, is that they can have an appropriate emotional response at an appropriate level. (NOT needing to exude the vibration of a feeling at the loudest level possible but take it on down a few notches to something more tolerant for those around them.)
FEELERS, when triggered, often become verbose and impulsive and spontaneous. Whereas, the THINKER will spend time overthinking something before moving forward. So if there is a project needing to be completed or resolution needing in conflict, getting out of a triggered state will hurry things along in having resolution.
My favorite way to help a FEELER when triggered, is to ask more questions with an understanding that I am not supposed to respond. Let them purge the exaggeration of the emotion so it looks like this:
I see you’re upset but you may be feeling something else. What are you feeling? And what else makes you feel that way? Anything else? Do you feel lighter just sharing it with me? Maybe there’s more to be purged. What else is making you feel that way?
Once they purge, offer resolution with asking, “Is there anything you think I can do to make you feel better?” (Oh, and do your best to JUST ASK and not keep contributing to their FIRE of FEELINGS)
The goal is to push them out of their feelings and into their head with changing their thoughts to something more loving.
When we love people…. we don’t always know how to show it in the way they feel loved. This is beyond the 5 basic love languages. Hold space for your triggered loved ones. They need our guidance in upleveling. If you know they don’t intend to wreck your moment, your day, your month, your year or your life…. then act that way. No one is out to hold you back from BEING YOUR BEST SELF. Period.
It is your choice to think loving thoughts and feel more accepting and loving of your reality.
Remember that thoughts are the language of the brain and feelings are the language of the body. When a person thinks a repeated thought, this produces the same choices that produce the same behaviors that produce the same emotions from the original repeated thought. In order to EVOLVE in a better version of ourselves, we need to be mindful of our NEW THOUGHTS, producing new choices and new behaviors and new feelings which then bring inspiration to those around us and then we can EVLOVE in UPLEVELING equally with our partners and not leave them in victimhood or in repeating their PAST PROGRAM.
When our partners ar triggered, it is simply a PAST PART of them that was unprocessed. You can help them process things by simply letting them feel their way through it and making new choices that will produce new chemicals of healing and restoration in the body rather than chemicals of stress which leads to breakdown in the body- dis-ease.
How you think and how you feel creates a state of BEING.
When your partner thinks guilty thoughts. Their body produces more chemicals producing more guilt which will lead to a state of being of pain and inflammation in the body at a cellular level.
This cycle over and over conditions our bodies to be addicted to those past thoughts and beliefs and emotions. Holistic ReDesign helps illuminate which thoughts beliefs and emotions we are unable to say NO to. Holistic ReDesign helps you consciously change in a safe way.
The hardest part of change is stopping the thoughts that are repeated from the past and choosing a HIGHER emotion to make new associations with.
3. Use the Power vs Force chart to guide you up. When triggered, notice your LIFE VIEW and notice Your Thoughts/ Beliefs and then notice HOW YOU ARE FEELING.
Figure out where you are. Do the HOKEY POKEY and turn yourself around and climb up one level at a time to a place of empowerment.
As we enter this holiday season, do your best, it’s always good enough!
Love what it.
Even if it feels sarcastic at first, say out loud the thing that triggers you and end with …and I LOVE THAT!
Wishing you mindfulness this holiday season,
Dr. Nikki and Holistic ReDesign Team